I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat. My dream woman has a special combination of inner and outer beauty and is, most importantly, too naive to know she's way out of my league. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick.
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